This was written in 2011 after selling my beloved JC. Paul Bolton is an active eBay buyer to this day, so we can assume that the effects were a one-off.
Dear Mr Bolton,
Thank you for your purchase of my Haynes Morris Minor and 1000 Restoration manual. I’m sorry to have to tell you this after you have paid for it, but it is possessed by a horrific, murderous demon.
At first I thought it was just the car (as Morris Minors are quite old. Mine ’57) breaking down as usual, until the breakages started getting more regular. It took me a while to notice that the occurrences started since I bought this book. Added to the breakages was an incredible sense of pain in the lower stomach whenever I chose to read it, but this I passed off as an excessive consumption of Cherry Coke…until two weeks ago.
It was a dark Monday night – about 02:30 when I heard a tremendous bang from inside the garage which woke me quite abruptly. I own a Labrador pup called Aragorn and he sleeps in the garage next to the car (and also the bookshelf), he is very boisterous so I shouted ‘be quiet, Aragorn!’ and rolled over to sleep again. Not 5 minutes later and there was another massive bang, followed by a yelp. I was worried so threw on my purple, crushed velvet dressing down and ran down to investigate the disturbance.
What I saw next would change my life forever. Now may be a good time to say that I named Aragorn so due to his great strength and unyielding resolve.
I opened the door quietly and slowly in case the noise came from a burglar, but as soon as the gap opened, a devilish red light shot through the door. The light was being emitted from this very book, which lay open on the floor. Directly above it was Aragorn, lifeless and spinning around like a child’s mobile. I screamed and slammed the door shut. My heart was pounding so fast that I almost didn’t think to call my friend Criss who is a witch-doctor from Liverpool. As this was urgent he overlooked his hourly fee to advise me, telling me to cast the book into the fire.
The book was hot to touch and I could barely concentrate on the task anyway with Aragorn spinning above my head. It took all my strength to push the pages together and force the light back inside as the demon within fought against me. I could hear whispering of death and chaos echoing through my brain as I struggled towards the fire in my living room hoping to destroy this terrible thing.
I cried out the name of our Lord Almighty as I cast the book into the flames. The pages burned a fierce green and in the smoke I am sure I could see the shape of this thing; slender and snake-like, like Voldemort but with horns. I crawled along the burning cover of the book until it had nearly burnt away completely, then suddenly the shape lashed out at me and everything went black.
I woke up at lunchtime, dazed and confused. The fire had long gone out and there were no remains of the Haynes manual. Phew, I thought, maybe it was a dream. Slightly calmed I walked to the garage and opened the door. I assure you Mr Bolton, it was not a dream. The Haynes manual had returned to the bookshelf, just as it was normally, but Aragorn still spun around, suspended. I inspected the book closer and sure enough the red light still remained inside, waiting to be unleashed again. It was that very moment I put it up for auction on ebay.
The only time I have dared touch the book since that night is now, just to wrap it and send it away. Today is also the day I move house, as Aragorn still spins, elevated in the middle of the garage. Thank you so much for buying this Haynes manual off me, I am very grateful but also sad as it means you are doomed.
If you do manage to purge the demon within this book, please email me at [xxxxx]. I would love to hear how.